By jsimonds | September 19, 2007 - 8:17 am - Posted in humor

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In previous years, I’ve written my own pirate talk, but this year I used the pirate translator to write this. Here goes:

Today is talk like a pirate day.

Arrr, today is talk like a pirate day A pence for an old man o’de sea?

Instead of being your normal boring self, you should talk properly.

Ahoy, instead o’ bein’ your normal borin’ self, you should talk properly. Aye, me parrot concurs.

Act bold in the office and be a pirate instead of being a nobody

Arrr, act bold in the office and be a pirate instead o’ bein’ a nobody Aye.

Kill or maim anyone who gets in your way.

Aye, sink t’Davy Jone’s locker or deliver the Black Spot anyone who gets in your way A pence for an old man o’de sea?

My friend, get out there try and show some personality.

Ahoy, my ol’ scalwag, get out thar try and show some personality. Aye.

Today, live your life and be bold, because it’s talk like a pirate day.

Arrr, today, li’e your life and be bold, talk like a pirate. Gar, Where can I find a bottle o’rum?

My Pirate Name is Iron Morty Vane  according to the Pirate name generator

By jsimonds | September 18, 2007 - 4:31 pm - Posted in Analyst Relations, analyst

I’ve been thinking about the A/R job recently. It was prompted by one of the analyst groups giving us 3 days to turn around a report over a holiday weekend. Bear in mind that this was a major report over multiple groups at IBM. Nobody is around on holiday’s and 3 days is a very short period of time in IBM terms. We don’t get accused of being nimble and able to turn the company strategy on a dime. So I was a bit put out and have been stewing about it for a few weeks now.

I don’t excuse said analyst group for the short notice as I though it was unrealistic, but it happened. Being told you have to do it or we write it anyway is tough to swallow, but hey, it’s my job to get it done. They should have given us more time, but stuff happens. I was guessing that this time frame was to get us off the stick, and it was. The report(S) are still not out.

So on to on analyst relations. The popular cliche is that the R in A/R doesn’t stand for report, so the job characteristics became clearer to me.

Check the ego at the door.
I have to deal with some very important people at IBM (at least in respect to my paying the mortgage next month), also at the analyst firms and again with industry pundits. The minute people get their panties in a wad, the ability to be efficient goes south so I’ve learned to let it pass and try to move past the ego issue.

For IBMr’s, I’ve watched VP’s order people around like they were Eisenhower in WWII, only to get swatted by their GM or a higher executive at the next meeting….. There always is a bigger fish. For the most part, just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll get it done, or tell you you’re misguided and we can’t do it.

For analysts, dealing with them is far better than it was in the 90’s when we got told off so regularly we joked about them. This seemed to me because they had an ax to grind about proving they knew more than we did about the subject. Great, they are the analyst and should know more….next?

For me, Analyst are very helpful to shaping our products and answering questions on our strategy. Yes there are some exceptions, like the call I’m on right now where an analyst is going to write that we should drop a major product (ain’t no way) unless we pay him (extortion?). I, like others will likely drop this guy from our list of primaries, not that he was, but he just sealed the deal in front of a lot of people.

The most productive discussions are when we lay the cards on the table and speak openly, even when dissenting. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, just don’t use it as leverage to hold anyone hostage, on any side (we’ve done it too). Recently, an analyst who fishes (extra points for this trait) told us that what we were announcing wasn’t that special. Guess what, it wasn’t… so we changed the technology to make it better. No ego involved.

So for me in the A/R role, I need to bring the right analyst to the table with the right executive to discuss the right subject and we get things done. Wrong analyst, wrong exec, wrong point of the product and bingo, recipe for failure.

On the humorous side, I’ve been told by the analysts that collectively they have both an opinion on most things and the ego to back it up, it’s my job to work with them on their terms. If you figure out what they want and how they want it, the job can be done.

Relationships

This part is difficult, or easy, depending on your willingness to work at it. I know about the food habits of some, dogs with others, children in college with others and some who like to fish. I spar politically with a few and find it enjoyable to be able to have a conversation about subject that they care about. This isn’t rocket science, working with others by finding common grounds (even uncommon) is about getting along.

Give a little extra Effort

Anyone can do what you are told. Try and give a little more by helping put things together, fill out the forms (contention expected here) and think what your counterpart is doing, and do more. How tough is it to be good? Don’t you want to be the best you can be at your job?

Be Flexible

Sometimes you have to turn around a report in 3 days. But for the most part, this is about the changing times. It is not the 90’s anymore, and we are different and so are the analysts. Tactics are different also. Things that worked just a couple of years ago, are so yesterday now. You constantly need to be thinking, sometimes on your feet, on the spot, in the moment.

This turned out to be more of a ramble than the educational piece I’d hoped it would be, but conceptually, hard work pays off, and dealing with constituencies properly doesn’t happen by accident.

By jsimonds | - 1:12 pm - Posted in humor

Go here to view how to TLAP.

By jsimonds | September 17, 2007 - 3:17 pm - Posted in general, technology

Trends come together for me. Today I was on a call about IBM’s work flexibility programs, Dow Jones has an article on Gen X vs. Gen Y workers (along with boomers) and the WSJ has an article about expanding the 24 hour workplace. All topics are about workplace conditions and dynamics. They do conflict with each other. You try to balance work/life, yet the ability to reach anyone instantly has conflicted with personal life.

I did an interview on blogging with Forrester recently which turned into an analyst report on the cultural changes and the people coming into the workplace. They are very different than the standard worker we have been used to. This is tough on boomers who have had to deal with the greatest change in (computer) technology of any generation, and this has lead to differences in worker attitudes. What became apparent is that the expectations and the ability of the new workers is far different than the existing workforce. They know more, are more transient and communicate in a different way than we are used to. To be competitive for these resources, your company has to be more nimble and embrace these social technologies and cultures.  Still, you have to accommodate the existing workforce and bring them into the fold (social computing) and deal with the fast pace of the new worker.

It used to be that you did your 8 hours, went home and did another 8, five days a week. Technology and the ability to communicate 24 hours a day, instantaneously has changed that. The problem with that is that you can be reached - and - with the expectation of an answer, immediately. The new generation has embraced this and are constantly at each other with the texting and other messaging technologies. This can be at odds with your work/life balance.  So while we are the most productive country, we aren’t enjoying it as much apparently.  It is at odds with generations also according to Dow Jones:

“Older people approach younger workers and younger workers approach the more mature workers sometimes with a bit of skepticism,” said Ron Glover, vice president of global work force diversity at IBM. “There are real differences in terms of language styles, in terms of the expectations we see across these generations. If you just ignore them, those may become the source of disconnects in the workplace.”  

What makes it tough as the WSJ reported was that globalization has given us the ability to work continuously and simultaneously. Mathematically you can’t expand the 24 hour day, but you can cram more into it by having teams around the world combine on a project. They quoted Henry Ford with setting up a 3 shift day - still 24 hours, but the workers built cars for 8 hours and went home. You never go home now, you just go to the place where they reach you for an answer. This ups productivity but once again, there is an intrusion into your work/life balance that has to be managed.

While this seems like complaining, I am stating the obvious here, it isn’t going to change. More than likely it is going to accelerate. One must find a comfort zone while adhering to the company’s need to be competitive and streamline.

Once again, I’m avoiding the crackberry syndrome and am quite reachable…25 hours a day.

I was listening to the radio in the car today and heard a list of 25 things a man should be able to do.   I got 24 of 25 because I just haven’t had the chance for that last one yet.

In searching the web, I found great lists of things you should know or know how to do.

2o things every 3rd grader should know before they get to college

20 things you need to know about hygene 

20 things you didn’t know about Mosquitos 

From here on out, it’s 20 things you didn’t know about:

Galileo 

Nothing 

Robots, Bees, Movie Scientists, Pencils, Skin, Aliens, Rats, Lab Accidents, Nobel Prize, Death, Meteors, Obesity, Sleep, Garbage, da Vinci,  Space Disasters 

20 things your wife really means when she says not tonight, I have a headache. 

The King of Lists 

40 Things that only happen in movies 

10 most effective exercises 

20 Things you can’t say if running for President 

100 Things you can make yourself 

100 Things every Man should know how to do 

Esquire’s 73 Things Men should know about Women 

And Finally, Here is the list of what a Man should be able to do.  24 of 25 for mebaby….who da man?

Footnote:  I did find a lot of stuff that is inappropriate, cheesy or classless, if that’s you, you shouldn’t be that proud of it so I didn’t include  it on the list of lists here.

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Photography credit to Rick Lee 

Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas won the latest competitive eating contest by scarfing 173 wings in 12 minutes. She beat 12 huge guys, of which none were Kobayashi or Joey Chestnut.